very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
