I can text with my tongue
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
