go do what you do best...puke behind churches
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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