I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Its about making memories worth repressing
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
