I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
