after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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