that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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