i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
