Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
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