if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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