While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
