Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Randomize
