Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
