Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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