just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
