I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
