tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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