The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
