I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
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