Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
