is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
