someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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