2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
We're too hungover to prance.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
