So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
