You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
