I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
