It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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