There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
