Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
