So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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