i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
