Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
