Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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