I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
