its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
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