tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
