fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
whose ass print is on the piano?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
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