I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
