tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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