dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
