i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
...so i touched it.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
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