girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
