you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
