SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
