I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
