why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
