She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
We smell like vodka and hangover
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