wanna go halves on a baby?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
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