Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
