that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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