I want to walk on stilts...naked
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
